My Saturday retreat with Karen Maezen Miller, Zen Buddhist priest and author of Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, was nothing short of inspiring, relaxing, and forgiving.
Why forgiving? Because we all say or do things as parents that sometimes we wish we could take back. But with Maezen's guidance that day, those of us in attendance were reminded that we get to "start over" at any given moment, whenever we want, returning ourselves more fully to mindful parenting.
It's like meditation. When your mind begins to wander, gently bring it back to your breath. So it is with parenting. When your kids are driving you batty, breathe. When you're not getting enough sleep, breathe (and maybe cry... but breathe, too). When you need to let go of worry, exhale. Being mindful of your breath keeps you planted in the present moment—and doesn't that always lead to better decision making, parenting or otherwise?
Several other Blooma teachers and moms attended Maezen's Rochester retreat, too. What a luxury it was to spend a whole day for ourselves, taking time for yoga, for talking with other women, for learning from Maezen, for meditation, and for wandering the beautiful grounds of the Assisi Heights retreat center (pictured here).
For a quick fix of wisdom, Maezen-style, check her blog, Cheerio Road. Today's posting, "The Parent's Little List of Letting Go" is, as she puts it, "a seasonal refrain sung to the tune of a deep exhalation."
What have you done to pay attention to your breath today? Since I'm no Zen master, but can attest to how good it feels to meditate—even briefly—I'll pass along a few tips that Maezen gave during our retreat:
• Find just 5 minutes (you can do it!) and set the kitchen timer. • Sit still, spine straight, palms open. Relax. • Keep your eyes open and let your gentle gaze fall about 3 feet in front of you. (Eyes open because Zen meditation isn't about closing out distractions but meditating through them.) • Inhale • Exhale
Pretty simple, eh? If your mind wanders and you need something to focus on, count to two on your inhale, then four on your exhale. With regular practice, you'll find yourself more focused, more relaxed, and ready for anything your kids throw your way when your 5-minute timer dings.
You may have seen this video already since it's gone viral, but if not, turn up the volume and set aside 4 minutes to watch (preferably without a kid tugging at your pant leg). For me, it was a powerful reminder that even the most mundane-it-happens-everyday type moments are ones worth paying attention to. Mindfulness in every day life— not just on the yoga mat.
Shortly after I finished watching this yesterday, I heard my son waking from his nap upstairs. The moment of cracking open the door and peeking in to see him sweetly standing there, waiting for me and softly saying, "Mama," was as perfect a moment as any I can think of.
There was a great article in The Huffington Post recently about "mindful motherhood," written by Cassandra Vieten, author of a book also called Mindful Motherhood. She refers to scientific research about mindfulness to demonstrate her point: that being aware in the present moment helps you attune to your baby, be aware of her communication style, and react positively to her emotions and needs. Your baby is always in the present moment! Shouldn't you join her there?
Practicing mindfulness during baby's first year of life is especially important, Vieten says, since it helps lay the groundwork for the mothering style you will grow into as your baby grows, too. It also communicates to your child from day one that you are mentally and emotionally there for her when she needs you to be.
For me, practicing yoga helps me be mindful throughout the rest of my day. That certainly filters into my mothering style (at least I strive for it to). Of course, I can get distracted by the phone, e-mail, etc., too.
Sometimes I definitely have to stop and remind myself that even though my baby can't communicate with words yet, he is still very aware of everything I'm doing, and he deserves my full attention—not my partial attention. If I try to sneak in a quick e-mail check during our together time, he is quickly attuned to it and lets me know with a few appropriate whines. He's right; being with him is a joy. Why would I want to take my attention away from him when he is growing up faster than I ever could have imagined?
So I make a vow: my computer time is best left for his nap times (like right now).
Want to rekindle your own dedication to mindfulness? Choose a class or workshop that helps bring you back to center and sign up now.
How else do you bring mindfulness into your parenting? Leave a comment and let us know what works for you. See you in the studio!
Blooma nurtures the mind, body, and spirit of women and their families. At Blooma, we believe that creating a healthy, meaningful life ought to be both a family value, and a family tie.
My Saturday retreat with Karen Maezen Miller, Zen Buddhist priest and author of Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, was nothing short of inspiring, relaxing, and forgiving.
Several other Blooma teachers and moms attended Maezen's Rochester retreat, too. What a luxury it was to spend a whole day for ourselves, taking time for yoga, for talking with other women, for learning from Maezen, for meditation, and for wandering the beautiful grounds of the Assisi Heights retreat center (pictured here).
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