Thursday, January 15, 2009

Notes from a Marriage Geek

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January 15th, 2009

I taught Amazing Marriage 101 tonight at Blooma and it was wonderful. By far the largest class I have had, even on a brutally cold night like tonight. It feels so great to see so many couples open to creating their marriage from the beginning.

As we create connection and build strength in our attachment, sometimes it can feel like we are fumbling in the dark. What is it supposed to look like, what are we supposed to be creating?

I pulled this list from Susan Johnson's book Hold Me Tight. As you read it some of them will resonate strongly. Some you will know you have and some you will feel the longing for. Some you know you give your partner and some you know you struggle to provide.

I need to feel, to sense that:

  • I am special to you and that you really value our relationship. I need that reassurance that I am number one with you and that nothing is more important to you than us.
  • I am wanted by you, as a partner and a lover, that making me happy is important to you.
  • I am loved and accepted, with my failings and imperfections. I can't be perfect for you.
  • I am needed. You want me close.
  • I am safe because you care about my feelings, hurts, and needs.
  • I can count on you to be there for me, to not leave me alone when I need you the most.
  • I will be heard and respected. Please don't minimize me or leap inot thinking the worst of me. Give me a chance to learn how to be with you.
  • I can count on you to hear me and to put everything else aside.
  • I can ask you to hold me and to understand that just asking is very hard for me.

This week-Acknowledge your primary, human need for connection. Pick the one that speaks most to you and just talk about it. And if you are feeling really brave, ask your partner which one they need from you.

Check out the next couple of classes I put on the schedule. It is a long, cold winter and Valentine's Day is coming. Let's create a little connection!


p.s. I would love some questions from readers... I sit down every Thursday night and write what is in my heart... but would love some new ideas.

Parenting Oasis is offering the following marriage courses-

My most popular class- Amazing Marriage 101 will be offered February 6th at Blooma or

Fighting for Connection Monday February 2nd 6:30-8 Marriage is a powerful, primary attachment relationship which often leads to conflict when what we hunger for is intimacy. For those who have already attended Amazing Marriage 101, this evening we take a look at healthy ways of confronting marriage issues and changing patterns to increase connection within relationships. $40/couple Email to register or call 612-205-7050 Scholarships available.

Parenting in Partnership Tuesday February 10th 6:30-8 What does “being on the same page” or “backing each other up” or even “consistency” mean when parents have different personalities, different values and different styles of parenting? Most couples begin to establish their roles and expectations in their parenting partnership by the time the baby is 5 months old. What’s your plan? What are your concerns? Come hear some ideas about starting off right, parenting together for a lifetime. $40/couple Email to register or call 612-205-7050 Scholarships available.

Visit my website if you are looking for couples therapy- has lots of other amazing therapists around the country other than me as well.

For more marriage resources visit

So... what's this? maureen.jpg

Each week, the hardest work I do is marriage counseling. By the time many couples come into my office, they have little hope and have hurt each other enormously. I witness their struggles and their pain and I offer them my help in healing and creating a new way of relating. But I know marriage counseling isn't for everyone. Many people just need some information. Marriage doesn't come with a manual but it should. So I decided that I would put some of my best information into this newsletter. So if you are not interested in receiving a weekly note about building amazing marriages, please click unsubscribe. I promise to send one email a week- just a few things that I think might help you in your commitment to creating an amazing marriage and a healthy family. I promise not to send you a bunch of other junk or to sell this list. (Not that there are people lining up to give me money but even if they do- I promise.) I also would ask you to consider forwarding this to all the people you love, whose marriages you support especially your partner.

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Maureen Campion, MS LP is a private practice psychologist investing in supporting new families through group, individual and marital therapy as well as marriage education. With over 15 years experience, she is well aware of the struggles and stressors facing parents and created The Parenting Oasis as a unique setting to address those needs. She has three children of her own and loves working with parents.

Email Maureen at or call 612-205-7050

The Parenting Oasis is a 501 (c) 3 nonprofit human service agency dedicated to strengthening, educating and supporting parents in the Twin Cities, from conception through the toddler years by providing community space, educational programs, and resources.

The Parenting Oasis was founded in 2005 with the intention of creating a community center for new parents. Open since October, the center offers quality social and educational opportunities where families could share the joys and challenges of raising little ones, and creating healthy family; openly share ideas and experiences, while their children play and learn in a nurturing environment.

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